How to have an expensive aura without spending money

Frugal Chic® #81: Five things that make you look expensive, and none of them are for sale

You’re probably spending a lot of money just to convince people you’re confident.

The expensive trip you mostly booked to post about when you’re there. The designer label with its exposed logo. The thing you bought because the influencer showing it off on social media looked so put together.

I don’t think any of that is what makes someone seem expensive. I think it comes down to the way you carry yourself and the choices you make, and almost none of it costs anything.

These are the five things I’d work on first.

In this issue:

• Why cheap and frugal are not the same thing, and what that has to do with saying no

• The £100 cardigan that looks more expensive than the £200 t-shirt

• The speaking habit that makes people listen

• What the research actually says about posture and confidence

• The £420 toothbrush, and why the basics still win

• A bonus: the one meeting you should never cancel.

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Get comfortable saying no

First thing we need to establish: cheap and frugal are not the same thing.

Being cheap is choosing the lowest price every single time. Sometimes that’s fine, and sometimes the cheapest option really is the best one. But often it’s worth paying for quality, and life is for living. Putting a harsh filter on every purchase can quickly get restrictive.

Being frugal is knowing what is and isn’t worth your money. It’s the splurge and save list: once you know where you splurge and where you save, anything on the save list gets a comfortable no.

And that no is a muscle. The more you use it on spending, the easier it gets everywhere else. I am not going to lie, I have people-pleasing tendencies. I say yes to things out of guilt, things I don’t want to do, and then I resent myself for being spread too thin.

So practise the short version. Not a no with a long explanation attached. Just no. It shows you respect your own time, money and attention, and that is what reads as expensive. It also builds taste, because taste is mostly a list of things you turned down.

“Just no” is easy when it’s a jumper but it becomes increasingly harder when it’s a hen do abroad and the group chat is waiting on you to respond.

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2. Develop an eye for quality

Think of it like this: you could be wearing a cheaply made, flashy logo t-shirt that cost £200 or you could be wearing a cashmere cardigan that cost £100, and it will look infinitely more expensive. People can tell, even when they can’t say why.

We’ve spoken about the care label many times, but the care label doesn’t tell you everything. Look at the seams, look at how the fabric drapes, on the hanger and on you.

This isn’t about becoming a designer overnight. It’s about taking a real interest in how things are made. I guess this mostly applies to clothes, but it works on furniture, bags, shoes, anything you’d otherwise judge by the logo or the price tag.

3. Slow down when you speak

Most of us rush what we’re saying. I’m guilty of it, usually because I’ve decided for myself that the other person is getting bored.

You should try speaking more slowly. Not monotone, just unhurried. People pay more attention to someone who isn’t racing to the end of the sentence, because it sounds like you expect to be listened to.

People often tell me I’m articulate, and I think it comes from two habits, both of which are free.

The first one is reading. I’m not the biggest reader, but I studied English Literature and I’ve read a lot of the classics. It doesn’t have to be books. Newspapers, long articles, Substack. Reading consistently keeps putting new vocabulary in front of you, and it turns up later when you need it.

The second one is writing. However, I am not exclusively talking about articles. A journal or a diary is enough. Writing makes me go through my thoughts properly, and once I’ve done that on paper, I say it more clearly out loud.

4. Fix your posture

I always forget this one, and it might be the most important. We think confidence starts on the inside and then shows up in the body. Sometimes it’s the other way around. You do the action, and the feeling follows.

I wanted to check this wasn’t pseudoscience, so I looked it up. The famous version, the power pose that changes your hormones, didn’t hold up, however, the simple version did.

A 2022 review of around 130 experiments and 10,000 people found that sitting or standing upright makes people feel more confident. It’s a feeling, not a hormone. The feeling is the bit I wanted anyway.

So sit up, shoulders back, chin level, take up the space you’re in. Good posture makes you look more expensive and feel it too, and it doesn’t cost anything.

5. Go back to basics

A lot of what we buy is an attempt to purchase an outcome. The classic example right now is the £420 Dyson toothbrush. It has a camera in it and it jets between your teeth while you brush, which makes it, more or less, a very clever water flosser. What it’s really selling is the idea of perfect health.

It’s the same with supplements and most of the wellness aisle. The best thing you can do is usually the boring things. Eight hours of sleep. A decent number of steps, and it doesn’t have to be 10,000. That number came from a 1960s Japanese pedometer advert, and the biggest review so far puts most of the benefit at around 7,000.

Eat your skincare before you apply it: carrots, vegetables, protein. Your body makes its own collagen out of what you eat, so start there before you buy it in a tub.

I like a bit of skincare. You just don’t need a ten-step routine.

None of this is about doing less, or less being better. You can be a maximalist in style and still be Frugal Chic®. It’s about not patching the need to feel put together with a purchase, because you likely already have what you need: a simple makeup routine, the few skincare products that really work on you, and a good quality wardrobe.

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Bonus: keep the promises you make to yourself

You wouldn’t cancel a work meeting ten minutes before it starts. So why is it fine to cancel on yourself?

The gym session you booked or the plan to start waking up earlier. The hour you set aside to work on your business, even the walk you said you’d take yourself on. We treat those as optional because nobody else is waiting for us to turn up.

But you notice.

Every time you go back on your word to yourself, you trust yourself a little less, and that shows. The people who seem expensive are usually the ones who do what they said they’d do, including when nobody’s checking.

So put it in the calendar like a meeting, and turn up like there’s someone waiting, and there is. First and foremost, you are the person who you need to make proud and show up for.

This week, do one thing

Say one “no” this week with no explanation attached. It can be saying no to a purchase, a plan, a favour. Just a simple “no, thank you”. Then notice how little happens next.

The key takeaway here is: looking expensive has very little to do with spending. It’s the way you carry yourself, the way you speak, and what you say yes and no to.

None of that is for sale, which is the whole point.

That’s all this week,

Mia xx

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P.S. Wednesday's post is the practical half of this one: how to say no to expensive plans without losing friends. Scripts for the plans that cost the most, from the split bill to the wedding abroad, each in three versions: a soft no, a counter offer and a firm no. Plus the three habits that make a no sound like an excuse. December's invitations are about to land, so if you've been meaning to upgrade, this is the week to do it.