The High Agency Mindset: How to Achieve Your Dream Life

Why waiting to “feel ready” keeps you broke and stuck

Most people don’t fail because they’re lazy. They fail because they’re waiting for permission.

Welcome back to Frugal Chic. In this letter we’ll debrief:

→ What it really means to have high agency

→ How to rewire your mindset for self-trust

→ Why waiting to “feel ready” keeps you broke and stuck

People talk a lot about consistency and taking action as the two most important factors in someone’s success. Those two things allowed me to grow to 300k followers across my platforms, quit my 9-5 and earn a living from being myself. However, the trait that no one really talks about? Being a high agency individual.

Being high-agency means having a sense of control over your life, taking initiative to achieve your goals, and feeling empowered to overcome obstacles instead of feeling powerless or like a victim of circumstances.

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

Carl Jung

Stop living on auto-pilot

The problem is, most people are asleep, running on programming they never chose. Do well in school. Get a stable job. Climb the ladder. Retire at 65.

There’s nothing wrong with that path, it’s safe, predictable, and it works for many. But we’re conditioned to seek permission: from bosses, institutions, parents. We’re taught skills that allow us to slot in like a cog. I wish someone had told me earlier that there are ways of still contributing to society and adding value without following a preprescribed path.

Growing up, I never thought I’d invest money. I thought it was for men in suits who worked in finance. I didn’t know anyone self-employed, my parents had traditional jobs, and all my friends were salaried. So subconsciously, I believed that was the only option available to me.

I used to be cripplingly shy, too embarrassed to even socialise. So when people I grew up with see me now, running a business, speaking at events, and posting on YouTube, they’re shocked.

This isn’t some “escape the matrix” lecture. But since going self-employed and becoming a high earner in a short time, I’ve had a taste of what real freedom feels like. And if you’re like me, a Type A, big-sis energy, wildly ambitious kind of person, the idea of living life on autopilot probably terrifies you too.

High agency is what happens when you question that internal programming from your parents, school or environment. When you realise there’s no rulebook. You can build wealth, change direction, or create a business simply because you decided to.

Confidence isn’t something I was born with. It’s something I built, by acting before I felt ready and showing up even when I was scared of judgement and failure.

Here’s how to build high agency:

1. Question everything you’ve accepted as “normal.”
   Ask yourself, did I choose this path, or did I inherit it?

2. Stop outsourcing permission.
   Don’t wait to be qualified, validated, or invited. Start before you feel ready.

3. Act like it’s already your turn.
   Confidence follows evidence, but the evidence only comes from action.

4. Try things yourself before asking for help.
   I get questions every day like “how do I start?” The answer is simple, you just start.

5. Spend at least one hour a day building something you chose.
   Not for your boss, not for your partner, not for your kids; for you. A hobby, a business, a project.

It’s about deciding now, today, that you are going to become this higher version of you. The one that just does things, the one that enjoys failing because they know that will lead to education.

I was speaking to someone recently who shared a similar background to mine, same upbringing, same unique experience of being adopted from China. She was beautiful, smart, and had just landed a great job at a well-known company. But she was hesitant, unsure of her value. You could see the self-doubt beneath the surface.

She asked how I became so confident, how I negotiate pay and brand deals, show up to podcasts without overprepping, and just trust myself. It’s been a while since I felt like my shy, introverted younger self, but I knew exactly what changed: becoming high agency.

Doing things before I felt ready, saying yes to opportunities that scared me, figuring out what I wanted and pursuing it, not waiting for permission or the perfect timing. That mindset changed everything.

I wanted to shake her and say, you have every reason to be confident, if not more than me. Because she didn’t come from different circumstances. We’d come from the same place. The only difference was self-concept. She played down her achievements, talked about imposter syndrome, and questioned whether she belonged.

Here’s the truth, look around you. If you work a 9–5, are the senior people above you really that much smarter? Or have they just had five more years of experience and learned to ask for what they’re worth?

The celebrities people worship were once ordinary people, and behind the scenes, they still are. No one is inherently “better” than you. Admire someone’s skill or talent, yes, but never at the cost of denying your own. Recognise your worth before you put anyone on a pedestal.

What separates people isn’t intelligence or some magic that you’re missing, it’s agency - deciding something is for you without needing external validation. It’s not about being loud or extroverted. It’s about being grounded in who you are and trusting yourself to back it up.

I tripled my income in a year by making small, high-agency choices: posting before I felt ready, creating instead of consuming, trusting that results would catch up to my effort.

Ways I’ve been exercising this:

→ When I had the idea for a podcast, I didn’t wait until I had the perfect studio, guest lineup, or launch plan. I just started with Spotify and repurposed my YouTube videos. That way, I could grow an audience while figuring out the “real” version.

→ I wanted to learn about funnels and automations for my content. Instead of over-researching or asking a bunch of other creators, I spent two minutes figuring out what platforms like Stan Store could do and jumped in. The first few weeks didn’t make much, but by the end of month one, I had made £948 from digital products alone.

→ I started posting on YouTube with no fancy editing, just experimenting. Social media compounds like investing in the stock market, the sooner you start, the better. I didn’t wait for perfect gear because TikTok taught me you don’t need anything to get going. Now I’m at 13,000 subscribers.

You don’t need another plan to ‘lock-in’. You need to get honest about what you actually want, and stop waiting for your friends, parents, or peers to approve it.

The moment you decide you’re allowed to build your dream life, you’ve already started.

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That’s all from this me this week,

Resources below

365 days: eBook → I condensed my best content tips for anyone just starting out or wanting to elevate their strategy

My forever wardrobe and recommendations → fashion, skincare, tech faves

Monthly Budget Planner → the monthly planner I use to budget with

Rest of the links → stan store