Things I Stopped Saying Once I Became Financially Literate

Frugal Chic® #56: The way you speak about money quietly becomes the way you behave with it.

Happy Sunday,

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the language we use around money.

Not the technical stuff. Not ISAs, pensions, index funds or tax wrappers. I mean the casual sentences we say without thinking. The little throwaway comments that reveal how much autonomy we believe we have.

Because the way you speak about money does not just describe your reality. It often reinforces it.

The more financially literate I’ve become, the more I’ve realised there are certain things I just do not say to myself anymore.

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In this issue:

• Why saying “I’m broke” can become an identity

• The difference between financial realism and learned helplessness

• Why “I can’t afford it” is not always the full sentence

• Why doing well young should not make you feel guilty

• Why “must be nice” is quietly keeping people stuck

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#1 “I’m broke”

Firstly, I’m not speaking to people who are genuinely financially struggling. There is a very real difference between being underpaid, unsupported, in debt, dealing with rising costs, or living paycheque to paycheque, and casually saying “I’m broke” because you spent your money impulsively.

This is surprisingly common among middle and upper-middle-class people.

The trust fund kid who spends their allowance in a week. The woman with a decent salary who gets into debt because fast fashion becomes a crutch. The person who earns well but never knows where their money went.

I am not here to judge, I caught myself saying this a few times when I was younger to fit in. It’s like being bad with money used to be cool, especially when you’re in your late teens and nonchalance is seen as social capital.

When you repeatedly tell yourself “I’m broke”, you are not just describing a financial state. You are creating an identity.

And when broke becomes your identity, your habits start to match it.

You stop looking for solutions. You stop tracking your expenses. You stop taking ownership. You start believing money is something that happens to you, rather than something you can learn to manage. As I spoke about recently, being low agency is thinking you don’t have the power to change your circumstances.

A more honest sentence might be:

“I am not where I want to be currently, but I am working towards my goals.”

It’s still realistic, but it puts the responsibility back in your court. You can acknowledge that things might be tight, you might not earn enough, or maybe you didn’t spend in line with your values. That doesn’t define you forever

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#2 “I can’t afford to”

Sometimes, this is a responsible sentence. If something is genuinely outside your means, saying “I can’t afford to” is financial literacy. I thought repeating this meant I was making financial boundaries and being mature.

But sometimes, it becomes a default setting.

“I can’t afford to invest.”

“I can’t afford to start a business.”

“I can’t afford to move.”

“I can’t afford to take time off.”

“I can’t afford to build the life I want.”

And you see this a lot at the moment in the discourse around friendships: the idea that we now can’t afford to “hang out.”

This is true, the cinema costs at least £20, coffee is sometimes £5, and there is a lack of third spaces. We have a cost of living.

But what I think a lot of people are missing is that we are glued to our phones. We often aren’t just short of cash, we are short of attention, energy, and creativity because it is constantly being siphoned off by whatever seven-second clip keeps us engaged.

We don’t stop to think that maybe friendship can be more casual. It can be going for a food shop with someone, having a cup of tea at home, doing a low-cost activity, or even just sending them a playlist rather than a meme.

This extends beyond friendship, to just how we see life in general and what we think we are capable of.

At some point, “I can’t afford it” can become a full stop when it should be a question.

The better reframe is:

“How could I afford this?”

That does not mean buying everything you want. It means moving from victim mode into thinking strategically.

Maybe the answer is saving for six months. Maybe it is earning more. Maybe it is cutting something else. Maybe it is realising you do not actually want the thing enough to make the trade-off.

To me, that’s financial maturity.

#3 “Doing X by 25 isn’t normal”

Whenever someone does something impressive young, people love to say it is “not normal”.

Buying a home by 25. Saving six figures. Starting a business. Investing early. Leaving a job. Building a platform. Becoming financially independent.

This is a healthy topic to bring up. So often social media can make us feel awful as it shows us a highlight reel of other people’s lives. Through ‘de-influencing’ we are making the internet a more relatable space.

However, where I draw the line is where “not normal” is used as a way to flatten ambition or shame perhaps young women for using their unfair advantage to get ahead, as they rightfully should.

You do not need to make your goals smaller just because they make other people uncomfortable. You also do not need to pretend privilege, timing, luck and support do not play a role.

Both can be true.

You can acknowledge your advantages and still take your own ambition seriously.

I won’t be participating in this trend or this way of speaking because I don’t want to be normal. I want above-average results and therefore my input has to be above average.

Focusing too much on ‘normal’ keeps you normal.

All of us aspire to change our lives, ‘get rich’, get PR, but when someone does, they immediately get demonised. Let’s be clear, anyone, if they could trade places, would probably act accordingly.

I saw a creator make a point recently that really stuck with me. She said, “Girls support girls until girls see a girl who’s living their dream life.”

And honestly, I think that sums up so much of the discourse around ambition, especially online.

We say we want women to win. We say we support women building wealth, marrying well, becoming successful, being visible, looking good, being chosen, being paid, being free. But the second a woman actually has the thing other people secretly want, suddenly the tone changes.

She’s “not that special.”

“She had it easy.”

“She’s only with him for the money.”

“She doesn’t deserve it.”

“I don’t get the hype.”

But underneath a lot of that criticism is projection.

I also saw this idea echoed here. Sometimes it is easier to dismiss someone else’s success than admit that you want something similar for yourself. It is easier to call someone privileged, lucky, undeserving or cringe than sit with the discomfort of your own ambition.

And I think this is especially true in the UK, where wanting more can feel socially risky. You are allowed to be quietly successful, but not too visibly ambitious. You are allowed to do well, but only if you constantly apologise for it. You are allowed to want a better life, but only if you frame it in the most self-deprecating way possible.

Wanting more money, more freedom, more beauty, more ease, more opportunity, more choice, more life is not embarrassing. What is embarrassing is pretending you don’t want those things and then hating women who were brave enough to admit that they did.

#4 “Must be nice”

This phrase feels harmless and light-hearted, but it often carries a hidden resentment.

And sometimes, yes, people are privileged. Some people do have help. Some people do get a head start.

But “must be nice” can become a way of dismissing other people’s effort so you do not have to examine your own options.

A more powerful response is:

“What can I learn from this?”

Because envy can either make you bitter or it can give you information about your desires.

Maybe they negotiated. Maybe they invested early. Maybe they took a risk. Maybe they had family support. Maybe they built a skill. Maybe they got lucky.

But one thing I would never do is wish for someone else’s situation, because you never actually know what goes on behind the scenes.

That influencer who hit 500k and bought a house? They got cheated on by their partner of six years.

That girl who bought a house? Her dad doesn’t spend time with her, he just pays her off.

That CEO you’re so envious of? They spent the last week eating takeaways and forgetting to text their friends.

Maybe they don’t even have any ‘skeletons in the closet’ or struggles but that isn’t the point. Pocket watching other people’s success and trying to cancel them online only delays your own success because it’s too much time and energy directed at someone else when it could be directed at you.

Excuses are more expensive than mistakes.

So, financial literacy is not just knowing what an ISA is.

It is learning how to speak to yourself like someone with agency.

Life doesn’t happen to you, you happen to it.

This isn’t about pretending everything is fine. It is not ignoring structural issues or acting like everyone has the same starting point.

But expanders, those who truly build something in life, know the levers they can pull.

And the language you use often determines whether you look for them.

That’s all this week,

Mia xx